


don't bring tomorrow (i'll lose you)

by dephinecormier



Series: Black Widow Bingo 2020 [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, F/F, Hate Sex, Lovers To Enemies, well i hope it counts because i really skimped on the sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26322154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dephinecormier/pseuds/dephinecormier
Summary: “Just because we’ve fucked for years doesn’t mean that you know me.” Maria shoves Natasha back once more, pushing until the back of Natasha’s knees hit the edge of the bed.“Well, clearly I don’t.” Natasha growls out, ripping herself out of Maria’s grip and flips them cleanly. Maria stifles a gasp as Natasha kicks her legs out from under her and slams her down on the bed. Her elbow digs sharply into Maria’s chest as she presses down, leaning in.*Written for:Black Widow Bingo - Lovers to EnemiesMarvel Femslash Bingo - Hate Sex
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Series: Black Widow Bingo 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912630
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	don't bring tomorrow (i'll lose you)

**Author's Note:**

> well I never thought I'd be writing something like this but here we are. there's barely any sex in this because my brain said not today satan so I'm sorry to disappoint. 
> 
> title from [Tomorrow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM1xYO1NlrA) by Daughter. squares filled: lovers to enemies (blackwidowbingo) and hate sex (mfsbingo2020)

It is late into the night when the plans have been finalised. S.H.I.E.L.D is to fall tomorrow morning, years of Maria’s hard work to be turned into nothing but dust in a mere day. She is exhausted but her mind is wired, anger bubbling through her bones. She kicks herself for not seeing it sooner.

S.H.I.E.L.D was Hydra.

Hydra was S.H.I.E.L.D.

And she had been at the head of it for years.

Her mind sifts through all the agents she had personally trained and vetted. They would only find out in the coming days just how many are compromised; how many agents that she had trusted to watch her back are dirty.

Her thoughts flitter to those who have always been loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D and the ideals they stand for and still are. They would soon be fed to the wolves, identities exposed to the world. Her agents thrown into the deep end. Agents that she had sworn to protect.

She paces the halls of the bunker, spinning up contingencies after contingencies for tomorrow and for the days to come. Her feet lead her to her room for the night. A small, shadowy figure pulls her out of her thoughts. Maria lets the door swing shut behind her, flicking on the light. “...Natasha?”

The woman in question is composed, although the tension in the crease of her brows shows that she is anything but. Maria allows herself to be backed into the wall as Natasha advances. Every step is a telegraphed motion, a guided move designed to unsettle her but Maria refuses to let it.

“I never knew you were such a good actor, Hill. That was impressive, selling Fury’s death like that.” Her voice is impassive as Maria’s back finally hits the wall. “And here I thought I was the spy.”

Maria says nothing, just stares down at Natasha as she presses in closer. Natasha raises an eyebrow, shooting her a quizzical look. “You’re not even going to defend yourself?”

At that, Maria finally lets herself move, shaking her head slightly. “We’re going to do this now?” She knows this game, knows Natasha is trying to goad her into giving her answers that she doesn’t have. “What do you want, Romanoff?” Maria sighs, “An explanation? Because I don’t have one.”

Maria attempts to slip out from where Natasha has her pinned against the wall. Natasha blocks her in easily.

“Liar.”

Natasha’s breath ghosts the shell of her ear and Maria suppresses the urge to shiver. Frustration bubbles up in her throat. “Look, whatever you want to hear? I can’t give it to you. I didn’t make the decision. Fury did.” Maria shoves Natasha back, careful to avoid her right shoulder, still taped up with white gauze. “I disagreed. But it wasn’t my choice to make.”

“Bullshit.” The breath leaves Maria’s lungs as she is slammed back up against the wall. Natasha finally lets her anger show, jamming a finger into Maria’s chest. “It was always your choice to make.” Natasha huffs out. “You don’t even regret it, do you?”

Maria bats Natasha’s finger away and grabs a fistful of her tank top, balls it up in her fist. “Don’t put words into my mouth, Romanoff. She steps into Natasha’s personal space, putting them nose to nose. “Just because we’ve fucked for years doesn’t mean that you know me.”

She shoves Natasha back once more, pushing until the back of Natasha’s knees hit the edge of the bed.

“Well, clearly I don’t.” Natasha growls out, ripping herself out of Maria’s grip and flips them cleanly. Maria stifles a gasp as Natasha kicks her legs out from under her and slams her down on the bed. Her elbow digs sharply into Maria’s chest as she presses down, leaning in.

Maria can feel the heat of Natasha’s body from where she is pressed up against her. Her knee is shoved up right against her centre, sending a spike of arousal down Maria’s core. Maria swallows heavily, eyes darting down to Natasha’s lips.

Natasha smiles - a bitter, cruel thing that is sharp at the edges. It makes Maria want to pull her close, to smooth a hand over her fiery hair, to whisper a thousand apologies and a million reassurances. Anything to wipe that unfamiliar smile off her face. Natasha’s next words shatter that illusion.

“This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it? To use me.”

Maria’s whole body tenses at what Natasha is implying, and knees Natasha right in her gut. “Fuck you, Romanoff.” Maria wraps her legs around Natasha and twists. She feels a twisted sense of pleasure as Natasha hisses in pain when her right shoulder hits the bed. “Fuck you.”

She doesn’t know who initiates it or if it was mutual - only that the kiss is rough and angry and more teeth than anything. It’s a tangle of frantic limbs tearing clothing off each other, and nails scratching into skin, leaving red trails in their wake. It’s more fighting than fucking. Or maybe for them it’s always been one and the same.

Yet, somewhere along the way it became something more than that for Maria.

“I would never use you.” Maria curls her fingers up into Natasha, thumb rubbing circles over her swollen clit. Natasha cries out in a wordless gasp, hips bucking uselessly against where Maria has an arm pressed tightly across her. “Not like that.” Natasha opens her eyes to meet Maria’s when she rakes her nails against Natasha’s side. Her blue eyes are insistent and determined. “Never like that.”

“Shut up -” Natasha barely manages to get out before she’s hurtling over the edge, walls clamping down on Maria’s fingers, thrown headfirst into her first orgasm of the night.

*

They are both sweaty in the sweltering heat of the bunker when Natasha finally relaxes her vice-like grip on Maria’s hair. Her thighs fall apart to let her up. Maria laps once, twice over Natasha’s clit, only withdrawing when Natasha shoves her away with a foot to the shoulder.

She kisses her way up Natasha’s sweat slicked skin while Natasha still lets her. Maps the way up her body the way she has done countless times before. Maria knows that when dawn breaks and SHIELD falls, it would take everything down that has been a constant in her life - this included.

A choice of her own making, a choice worth making, she reminds herself.

But the regret still sits heavy on her tongue, mixed with the salty tang of Natasha on her lips.

“Don’t.” Natasha pushes her away with her hands, her ribs still rising and falling rapidly. “ _Don’t_ ,” she repeats, and _there_ , there’s the anger clouding her green gaze yet again.

Maria relents and pulls back, pushing herself off Natasha’s hips and settling beside her. She tucks her knees beneath her and prepares to leave, despite it being her bed. She will spare herself the indignity of being kicked out or of watching Natasha leave.

Her eyes sweep over Natasha’s body, burns this bittersweet moment into her memory. Her gaze settles on the bandage on Natasha’s shoulder.

“You’re bleeding.”

Natasha blinks owlishly at her before pushing herself up on her elbows with a hiss. Gritting her teeth, she stares at the reddish tinge seeping out from the once pristine white bandage.

Maria is already reaching for the medical kit before Natasha can stop her. Depositing it on the bed, she pauses at the sound of Natasha’s voice. “I can take care of myself, Hill.” Her tone is sharp and cutting, slicing through Maria in a way that she should know better than to let it to.

Maria ignores her, reaching for the sealed pack of bandages and medical grade gloves. Natasha’s tight grip on her wrist stops her from pulling on the gloves. Maria stills for a moment to meet Natasha’s eyes that flash with annoyance.

“ _I said,_ I can do it.”

“I heard what you said,” Maria says calmly, “but you’re bleeding and your shoulder is still healing - enhanced abilities or not - and it’ll be stupid to let you do it yourself when I am perfectly capable of doing it for you.”

Natasha snorts inelegantly. “Don’t pretend you care about me, Hill.” She tightens her grip on Maria’s wrist. Maria suppresses the urge to wince at Natasha’s nails digging into her skin. Her voice is raw with emotion and betrayal, and it keeps coming back to this doesn’t it?

Her job and the half truths or outright lies that she hands out to protect her agents, her people, and the ideals she stands for - has always stood for.

All for it to collapse by morning come.

Her laugh is bitter, crawling its way out of her throat, unbidden.

Maria twists her wrist out of Natasha grip, shoving the pack of gloves into Natasha’s naked chest. The gloves fall with a thud into Natasha’s lap. Maria catches the look of surprise on her face before Natasha is able to hide it, features smoothing into an impassive blank slate.

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t have done the same,” she snarls, letting the anger wash over her. “Don’t pretend you _haven’t_ done the same.”

Natasha’s lips part slightly but Maria is done with this. “This wasn’t personal, none of it was. Now you can either let me help you or you can struggle with it yourself. Your choice.”

Maria’s chest is heaving when she finishes. She feels the familiar wash of shame as the anger fades, tempering down slightly to give way to rationality. It reminds her of the smell of liquor hanging heavy on her father’s breath, of fists in walls and the tell-tale sound of large hands whipping through the air to land heavy on her skin.

The thought makes her feel dirty, unclean. Makes her want to snatch the hasty words right back out of the air, shove it back where the rage still rears its ugly head deep in her gut.

The crinkle of the packet of gloves being slid back across the bed tears her out of her thoughts.

Natasha is quiet as Maria redresses her wound. Her eyes are downcast as Maria prods around the edges, grateful to see that the bleeding has stopped. Taping the edges of the bandage down, she removes the gloves and drops them in the bin.

The silence grows heavy in the air as Maria picks her clothes off the floor and dresses quickly. When she is done, she turns to find Natasha staring at her unblinkingly. She longs to break the tension, to repair the damage that she had inflicted on the tenuous bond between them.

But she refuses to apologise for a necessary decision that had not been hers to make in the first place. And Natasha is still too raw at the edges to cave.

Come dawn, there would be no time for apologies. The world as they knew it would come crashing down by their own doing, leaving nothing but ash and dust beneath them. And in the coming months, who knows? Natasha might be in the wind yet again, with nothing tying her down to this country, this place.

The future lies ahead of them, uncertain.

Maria lingers, letting herself take in this moment for sentimentality’s sake. “Get some rest, Natasha." She turns with a tinge of regret to start out the doorway. Maria pauses as her feet hit the threshold, faltering. "If it means anything to you, I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

It comes out softer, sadder than she had intended it to.

Before Natasha can gather her thoughts, Maria turns the corner, leaving Natasha sitting alone amidst cold sheets, looking every bit as lost as Maria feels.

**Author's Note:**

> every time i tell myself that i won't be writing anymore fic then this happens...ngl i was tempted to not post this because this is definitely not my ballpark so i would love to get any comment/constructive criticism for this if possible. I know my writing is rusty as hell so be nice (lab reports require very different braincells from writing actual narrative pieces who would've thought!)
> 
> as always, this is beta'd only by me so all mistakes are mine alone (please point them out if you see them thank you!). You can yell me at [dephinecormier](http://dephinecormier.tumblr.com/) on tumblr 
> 
> p.s if you want good hate sex, no one can beat gone to the dogs and i didn't bother trying. so if you're unsatisfied and want to scratch that itch, you know where to go!


End file.
